Departure imminent

Well, as I roll up to my last 24 hours in Portugal, I feel slightly down about the prospect of going home.

In retrospect, I would say that my year abroad has been far from what I had predicted. I am a new man after it, but I don't know if it's for the better or the worse. I now know my weaknesses, and what I can't live without.

I've been bored senseless in Frost-Trol, giggled with Carmen when I was in the Admin office of Frost-Trol, been lonely in Lisbon, felt like a tit on my nights out (all 4 of them), seen how my friends and family react to me not being there... the list is endless. I've been through severe bouts of depression, which I've kept from both family and friends. It's been worse than I've let on folks... but it's finally coming to an end.

If I were to have the chance of doing this again, I would have studied in Porto University, and done the 1st semester, not the 2nd. I would have worked still in Spain, but who knows where I would have ended up... it might have been Frost-Trol, then again it might have been Barcelona or even somwhere else.

I had fun with the Geordies when they come to visit me, I had a brilliant time with Carmen and Nacho in Gijón, and appreciated it so much when mum and dad or Mark came visiting me.

This has taught me that your future is uncertain. You can plan and predict all you want, but in the end, it's always different to what you expect. And what of my future? Well, I don't know. I think the next few months will be very hard with the lack of money and moving into a new flat. I think I'm gonna be so pleased to see my mates (even if they are less ecstatic!); for me it's a big thing, perhaps not for them, and they'll have to get used to me being mental about them for a few weeks! :-D

I would say my language has definately inproved, and I've grown more confident in both languages. I still don't think the Spanish is as good as it should be, and my Portuguese is good, but not up to my desired standard. I have done my best, and that's all I can do.

One thing I think will piss me off big style is when I get back to University in September. I don't think I will be able to cope with all the people gushing about how much of a fantastic time they had (subliminally saying, my RA is better than yours so fuck you) and ow they just couldn't imagine leaving their host city and they can't wait to get back. Well, in my experience, those people have been living with a bunch of English people getting pissed every day. As my very good friend Crystal put it, "if you haven't spent any time hating the country you're in, you've not had the full RA experience" (or something along those lines!

What of the blogs? Well, I might keep them up, who knows? I will have people to talk to, so bloggin will be a less essential part of my life. I shall have to make sure I e-mail people like Carmen and Nacho lol!

It's been a mental 10½ months, with many ups and downs. It's something I shall take away as being an important part of me. My experience of Ra has been one of failure, but one partly of my own doing, party due to circumstances out of my control.

This is me, over and out, going to go and meet Mark at the airport.

Ben xxx